Loosing a love one is hard. I don’t think I ever realized how hard it was until it happened to someone close to me. Last year was a year, not just because of the pandemic but because of life. The year seemed to be off to a good start, and then it wasn’t. February 2020 I learned of my aunt’s passing. Then March 2020, my cousin came to my job (I just gotten a new job) to share with me my dad had passed away. It all happened suddenly. It’s been over a year and I find myself still in disbelief that he/she no longer here.
Death can be an interesting thing. It’s complicated. Whether it’s been 1 day or 20 years, the sting doesn’t go away. It’s there, sometimes not as sharp as it was in the beginning but it’s still there. Since the passing of my dad, I’ve come to learn more about loosing a loved one. As we quickly approach the holidays, I wanted to share some with you.
Your presence is enough. I’ve always been pretty uncomfortable with death (still not there, but a “little” a better). When I would learn of someone loosing a loved one, I never knew the “right” words to say. I mean what do you say to someone who’s world has been rocked. Through my experience, I realized that just your reach out, or being there is enough. It was the random texts I received that meant so much to me. Letting me know someone was thinking of me and cared. I remember one of my cousins would send me random funny text messages. I love to laugh, so it was a like sunshine on a rainy day.
After hours help! Getting life back to normal after the visitation, the funeral, and all the people leave is the hardest part. How do you move forward? As they say, one day at a time. When I’m trying to be there to comfort people, I try to be intentional about reaching out after. Once everyone is gone, things begin to sink in that your loved one is gone. That’s when support is most needed, I think.
Grief is a process! Everyone’s way of dealing with grief is different, respect that. There’s no set timeline for grief, it’s been over a year for me and I still have my moments. It’s important to give Grace to others grieving and to yourself if you’re grieving. It’s important to give space for it, cry, talk about it or don’t, allow it to happen. And for the record there’s nothing wrong with getting help, talking to a counselor to help you process your thoughts and feelings.
Cherish the memories! I consider myself as a optimistic person, the glass is half full, not half empty. I’ve tried to focus on the fact of how blessed I was to have a dad like mine. I think of all the memories I’ve shared with him. I focus on how we use to crack jokes with each other, how he would go out of his way to make sure I was good. I was blessed to have had him as my father, and while I feel I was robed because I felt he left sooner than, I would have liked, I know that it was a blessing to have him as long as I did. I’m grateful to have been able fo call him dad. And for that reason, it has made me more intentional about creating memories with the ones around me now! Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today.
Reach Out! If you have recently loss a loved one, or know someone that has loss a loved one, reach out. It’s your community that will help get you through the tough times. It’s okay to ask for a listening ear, ask to go out to get your mind off of things, reach out. And to those that know of someone that recently, reach out to check on them, especially during the holidays. The holidays can be extra hard. Be their community!
People are leaving this earth like never before, be intentional about doing things with the people you love, creating new experiences or past favorites.
I wanted to do something a little different and share a little about my experience with grief. I hope this post is insightful. It was good for me to process my thoughts.
On a lighter note, Happy Thanksgiving! I pray that your day is filled with much joy and memories that will last you a lifetime.
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